Unreliable Narrator
Summary
Megan O’Giblin discusses her memoir *Will and Attention*, exploring the intersection of her deconversion from fundamentalist Christianity and her battle with alcoholism. She reflects on how losing faith left her feeling unmoored, leading to a decade of heavy drinking and a subsequent relapse after eleven years of sobriety. The conversation examines the "second voice" of self-deception, the allure of alcohol as a spiritual escape, and the paradox of needing inner conflict for moral growth. O’Giblin argues that recovery requires shifting from mere willpower to sustained attention, using writi…
Topics discussed
Sponsors: Xero and Built
Introduction: The second voice and Megan O'Giblin
Background: Fundamentalist upbringing and faith crisis
Believing in apocalyptic tribulation and its reality
The problem of evil and leaving the church
Leaving faith and the onset of drinking
Loss of purpose and coping with depression
Life in Chicago: Bars, work, and heavy drinking
Using Adderall to facilitate blackouts
Failed attempts at sobriety and self-awareness
The insidious nature of self-deception and rationalization
The conflict between the wiser self and the impulsive self
Writing as an amplifier and the unreliable narrator
Self-awareness, dialogue, and the danger of shutting down
Acting automatically vs. Eichmann's unthinking evil
Pandemic relapse: Fantasies and the QR code loophole
Sponsors: Vistaprint and Mubi
The pearl of great price: Finding value in sobriety
Surrender to God vs. surrender to substances
Boredom with stability and the desire for dynamism
Will vs. Attention: The limits of willpower
Observing the 'mindless beast' and the paradox of resistance
Attention as waiting and looking, not grasping
Conclusion: Attention as soul-building and book recommendation
Sponsors: Square, Viori, Vanguard and Credits
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