135: I’ve lost my confidence! How can I make friends and keep them?
Summary
The hosts discuss food preferences, including tinned fish and artisan bakery treats, before addressing the anxiety of maintaining social connections and friendships. They explore how moving to a new city disrupts established social rhythms and the pressure to perform a curated persona. The conversation concludes with advice on embracing vulnerability and humor to build genuine bonds, emphasizing that being "dumb" and lovable is often more effective than trying to appear poised.
Topics discussed
Intro: Personal updates and flat share advertisement
Question 1: Favorite tinned food for disaster prep
Moussa the cat's obsession with anchovies
Glasgow bakeries, business rates, and carrot cake
Favorite desserts: Almond prunes and Schlanchoes
Question 3: Spreading rumors and memory holes
Intrusive thought: How to smash your social life
Loss of confidence in storytelling and socializing
Anxiety, drinking, and social crutches
The desire to be 'beloved' and social rhythm
Geography, belonging, and the 'disease' of anxiety
Maintaining friendships and the 'ping pong' career
How friendships form: The self-reinforcing system
Vulnerability, embarrassment, and ideal friendship conditions
The importance of play and silly moments
Online personas vs. authentic connection
Being seen, alcohol, and dropping the persona
Alcohol as a depressant and storytelling anxiety
Grounding techniques and embracing the 'doofus'
Microdosing for silliness and lack of self-consciousness
I'm in Big Trouble: Submission instructions and praise
Listener letter: Career crisis in Paris and Stockholm
Advice: Finding purpose and the 'ping pong' career
Separating origin story from present interpretation
Therapy, detachment, and ownership of choices
Outro: Dogs in handbags on the Overground
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