Yael Schonbrun: It’s not what you say…
Summary
Alan Alda interviews psychologist Yael Schonbrunn, author of *Why Don't You Understand Me?*, who argues that misunderstanding stems from unconscious perception rather than poor communication. They discuss how "relational glasses" distort our views, the dangers of overconfidence, and how improv techniques foster genuine connection. Schonbrunn shares a story of a detective who humanized a serial killer to illustrate the power of curiosity and seeing the good in others.
Topics discussed
Intro: Misunderstanding is a perception problem, not just communication
Yael Schonbrunn on unconscious thinking and social lenses
Relational glasses: How biases distort our view of others
Overconfidence in understanding and the value of humility
Improv lessons: Listening, tone, and making your partner look good
Attention limits and escaping the victim-villain narrative
Break and sponsor messages
Political polarization: Understanding without condoning
Case study: A detective connecting with a serial killer
Seven quick questions with Yael Schonbrunn
Outro, credits, and preview of Season 35
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