He Wanted to Die. Surviving Changed Everything
Summary
In this episode of the "At the Water's Edge" series on veteran suicide, host Zach interviews a blind former Marine who survived a suicide attempt. The guest details how a traumatic brain injury and marital betrayal triggered severe depression, leading him to shoot himself in the head. He shares his harrowing recovery from total blindness and a subsequent diagnosis of Huntington’s disease, describing how he overcame addiction and isolation to become a successful software developer. The conversation highlights the complex, often invisible struggles veterans face post-service and the critical …
Topics discussed
Introduction to veteran suicide series and content warnings
Guest background: Blindness and sleep disorders
Military service history and deployments
Reflections on combat avoidance and military culture
Marital betrayal and traumatic brain injury
Onset of severe depression and alcohol use
The suicide attempt on March 31, 2019
Post-attempt recovery and family dynamics
The psychological state leading to the attempt
Final days before the attempt and family visit
The night of the attempt and immediate aftermath
Hospital experience and loss of sight
Rehabilitation and regaining independence
Returning to shooting and finding purpose
Decision to live and focus on independence
Second bout of depression during pandemic
Managing suicidal ideation and therapy
Evolution of relationship with parents
Huntington's diagnosis and coding career
Learning to code and building a startup
Challenges of isolation and community
Jiu-jitsu as a grounding practice
Overcoming shame and speaking up
Advice for veterans and recognizing avoidance
Future goals and closing remarks
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